So I have not taken the time to write on here for quite a while. I have to pass a bit of curiosity because there was a comment about how I used to steal lunches. I am quite curious to know who that was. But alas that is probably just one of life’s many mysteries.

A lot has happened in the last few months. Many of them good and some not so much. I went to the states for a few weeks this summer and realized just how much Europe has become my home. The thought of having to move back there someday gives me well pretty much anxiety attacks. What scares me the most is that it truly may not be possible for me to stay here. I have to find a job that is willing to help sponsor my move to France and let’s just say those are not easy to come by. So if any of you have any ideas or leads please help me out.

On top of that it brings to light my insecurities about my own skills set. I am good at many things but am I truly great at anything? Have you ever had to sit down and think of a skill that a country needs so much they want to keep you? Not so great for the confidence mojo. If only I were some fancy surgeon or great philosopher.

Nonetheless with Thanksgiving approaching it is a time for me to reflect. I have not been able to celebrate this holiday which happens to be my favorite in several years and it is still weird without it. I am however able to think about all the wonderful things that I have found in my life.

I have made a handful of friends, most of them by accident, that I am truly uncertain what I did to deserve these people in my life. I have had lovers whom have taught me things I never knew about myself and what I look for in people. I learned through one that it can be important to invest your feelings and while things may have not worked out at least I know that my heart is not completely frozen solid and someday when the time and the man are right things will be good. This was a very important lesson for me after well after having my heart broken once and my body another time. Do not worry I do not want your pity. We have all been through these things in some regard so really my life is no different from yours.

This year I learned that while I may not be the average bear there is something about me that people are drawn to, now if that is a good thing or not I will leave that for you to decide. I can make people laugh and like Isaac said all those years ago my biggest challenge in life is that when I really want to I can actually see people for who they really are. Maybe that is my big skill, not terrible marketable though. But I have learned through my time in France to use it and to embrace it as my own. Be certain it bothers many people but at the same time those who respect it are the ones I want to be involved with in the first place. I can not help sometimes wishing just like Frederick Douglas all those years ago that I simply did not know.

Another thing that I have learned is that history may not be for me. Do not get me wrong I love it. But it just does not make my blood boil and I want that in life. I did believe that by now (just a week before I turn 27) I would have already figured out what that is. Do you think that maybe it is because I have always searched it out? Maybe if I stop looking it will find me? I have great opportunities that come along every once in a while but the decision to stick with them is difficult. I am not a very good finisher.

I have also learned that sometimes the worst mistakes that a person can make (asides from breaking the law) are often the best. I have made some less than ideal choices lately and well I cannot say that I would change a single one of them. I met a kind man who taught me much and men not so kind who taught me even more. I could tell you some stories that would make your head spin or piss your pants laughing but this is not really the place for that.

Mostly though it is the friends in my life who have changed me so much. As a teenager I knew exactly who I was and because of a heartbreak that took me many years to get over I completely lost sight of that. My friends today wherever in the world they may be have brought me back to that girl who dances in the waterfalls with children and has absolutely no verbal filter whatsoever. They have taught me to be the honest person I once was. And for that I truly owe them my being. They do not really make a greeting card that says all that. But really for those of you that read this please take a few minutes to think about the people who have changed your life for the better whether it be the homeless man who says hello on the bridge every morning, the person whose name you don’t know who always raises his pint with a nod to you, or the friend who knows what you need before even you do and without ever saying or expecting anything is your strength when even they may not believe they have it for themselves.
I want to challenge you to find a way in your own manner to show them that they matter. Buy them a pint drop them a card or simply look them in the eyes and say thank you. This is my thanksgiving and birthday wish this year. For you to realize just how many wonderful people there are in your life. They may need to hear it.

I will go ahead and post this on my blog and my facebook so if it rs feeds twice I’m sorry about that.

To my sagi crew from the last 18 months thank you for everything the drunken nights, the tears, the travels and all the smiles.

To my friends still in the states. Thank you for not going away and always truly being just a phone call away.

To my family I know that the hardest thing you ever had to do was let me go. It was hard for me as well and thank you because I finally know how to breathe.

To Mary thank you for your helping transitioning to a really life here. I will always be grateful to you.

To Marion thank you well there are not words you are not a friend you are my family and without you I would often be lost.

To Erie Alice and Annemarie thanks you for the laughs the looks of shock and the excitement that you may someday be a character in my sure to be unsuccessful book.

To the Johnny Kitchen/Walsh friends thank you for the raised pints and nods and no longer arguing about that extra 50centimes.

To all my Pint/Cofee/Tea buddies the gossip just wouldn’t be the same without you J

To L and J I perhaps owe the most thanks to the two of you because you while neither of you may know it somehow managed to dig out the ice and find not only my heart but pieces of my soul. I wish you the best in the paths that you chose and while I know ours may not cross know you left your mark on mine.

To N,V,M,M, E,B,D,S,R you each have something special to offer. Fight to find that person and make them the happiest ever and if you maybe already have show them.

To those I cannot mention you all know who you are. Just a simple thank you in this time and place.

How many people are there for you to thank? Prolly quite a few more than you thought. And there simply aren’t enough words but try.