yeah yeah we all ask ourselves that same question at least 20 times a day...no? It is something i am really having to learn to just get over as it seems my lot to rarely get anything remotely resembling something I "want". On the flip side I have a lot of things in my life that I never really new I wanted to start with.
OK enough of that.
I know I promised that I would start writing more often. Well I always promise that don't I? I also always have thousands of excuses why I do not write.
The main reason is I am tired of being so unhappy and do not really want you to know about it. The Boy says I should write. He says that he would not hold my words against me because well come on lets face it 90% of my unhappiness is sorta wrapped up in him right now.
Here I am almost 31 weeks pregnant and I have no idea what even tomorrow will bring. And where is the man that I love you ask? He is off in Israel with his family and I am here. I am here worrying about everything but not really able to do anything about it all. Thats one thing i really hate is to be so damned helpless.
There are so many things that need to be accomplished in the next 9 weeks that I can cry just thinking about it. But perhaps the most daunting is the whole issue of my immigration status. Fact is my visa expires the 28th of September. The Boy and I planned to get PACSed so that I would have the right to stay but even that seems against us as there are no appointments available until November. To answer the question in your head no I have no idea what I am going to do. And there really isn't much I can do until he returns from vacation (must be nice). So those of you that are prayers or have maybe Sarkozy on your speed dial can you please say an extra word because I may not know much right now but I do know that I want to stay here.
Other than that the Boy needs to find a job, we need to find a new apartment that we actually fit into, we need to find doctors for me and also for the french fry once he arrives. As well as all the Doctors appts at the hospital getting ready. At this point I just feel like it is impossible.
I joined this great online group called MESSAGE Paris where lots of anglophone moms get together and whatnot. I have had three "mommy dates" in the past week and it has been really nice to meet new people. I hope to get to know them better. It is hard though to have to correct people on the fact that I am not married and then to find a way to answer the obvious questions of why I am so aloneish here. It chokes me up every time I have to find a way not to say the only person in Paris who comes even close to acknowledging me or this baby cannot stand up to his parents. I even had one mom ask me if i felt a little stupid staying. Truth is sometimes I do. Sometimes I feel like I am setting myself up for the worst. Other times I feel like I just have to be patient and know that things will work out. How does one decide to stay or go?
On the conversion front things are really crummy. Turns out the few people I have spoken to and have tried to get info from I have learned that pretty much all of the conversion programs in Paris start the 1st October....and you cannot start later. GREAT guess who is due to make his grand entrance the 17th of October thus disqualifying me from starting this year. Yet another pile of pooh on my life because neither the Boy nor his Family will take me seriously as wanting to convert unless I begin taking classes and making progress towards conversion. Talk about a Catch 22 in my life. I even had a Rabbi (who was quite kind) tell me that the Boy's family should help me begin to learn and integrate Judaism into my life in the interim. Kinda hard seeing as his family wont allow me into their house let alone speak to me.
So yeah those are the reasons off the top of my head that I dont write very often.
Maybe I will write again soon maybe I wont.
Till then
Be Well
08 August 2010
10 May 2010
Go get a cup of Tea or Joe and then come to read.
Is there not some saying about a snowball effect? I am not really sure how it goes but I can definitely tell you this is what my life has done the past few months. To be honest I have written this blog entry in my head approximately 45972 times but never really let it come out my fingertips because that would do something even the wondrous K8e was not prepared for. That would make my life real. And lets be honest who out there actually wants their life to get REAL?!?! dreams, fantasy, someone else's. All those things sound great to me. But as many of you know mainly being the 6 people who read this blog and the one girl I went to High School with who now resides up there where its realllllyyyyy cold but her smile and unfairly luscious hair bring out the sunshine; I am not a fan of real life. I have been actively running from it openly for the past 3.5 ish years. But foolish me should have known that crap always catches up with you.
Can you tell I am totally avoiding actually getting to any kind of point here? Cause I would NEVER do something like that. All right (seriously can you believe I am nervous about just typing something), so I am going to sit here and try and get so many things out into the real world. Because EVERYONE knows the real world exists totally in internet land.
Yeah yeah I am going. So I suppose ill just do what I do best and just get to my written diarrhea and see where it goes. I will do my best to try and focus just as much on the crapola in my life as the goodness. But lets face it, how much does it suck to only ever write about either the super good or the super bad? I usually try to write about the middle which therefore gives away the reason I SUCK AT BLOG WRITING. My life is never in the middle.
Well back in the fall I found this Graduate program in Paris that I absolutely fell in love with. It was tailor made perfect for me. So even with a "broken" leg I TGV'd it up to Paris and visited the University. Convinced that this was without a doubt the program for me I began to get all my ducks in a row to apply. In January I was finally freed from my plaster prisons and headed back to Paris for a week to study for and take the GRE. I also had the opportunity to visit and sit in on a few classes. I felt like all the pieces were falling into place. The week was filled with take-out chinese, GRE vocab, time with The Boy, and finished up with my Favorite Belgian, the BBall Lawyer, visiting and us going to see my true love and favorite author, Oscar Wilde. Those of you who have known my since the days of Mrs. Mackenzie's 12th grade English are all to aware of my complete obsession with him and The Picture of Dorian Grey. Seriously I feel like that book is the basis of EVERYTHING. All right i digress. So yeah the week was great and I became certain that my immediate future was going to involve spending two years living in Paris and finding a way to save all child soldiers in the world. That was until I took the GRE and while I literally knocked the essays out of the park I also proved for the 234th time that I cannot do elementary math and SUCK at analogies and antonyms. Its not like we all ever use those things any way. We have Google and well Google has ALL the answers to everything.
So back to Lyon I went to finish preparing my application and send it in so this school could of course accept me and my future could begin. Here is where everything got well Hiroshimad.
A bit of a back story is required here; I have had this weird health thing going on for the past few years. Weird as in doctors in both France and the United States look at my "situation" and quite literally step back, scratch their heads and say I don't know. For the past 4 years this has been happening. I have been diagnosed with everything from brain tumors to thyroid cancer to ( yes this was really said) bad energies. The consensus of most of the doctors was to sit back and continue to scratch their heads while waiting to see if anything new developed. All the while I get to walk around as a freak of nature wondering if my body will suddenly implode. In all of this my birth control was started, stopped and changed and never once did my lady visits decide to come to any kind of routine. Not that I was complaining what woman doesn't like not having to be psychotic and in pain for potentially six months at a time. Ok yeah I think I have given you enough and managed to be vague enough to move on.
So since the Boy and I are adult human beings I continued my pill and every 40 days or so would take a test just to make sure things were "fine and dandy". It even became a bit of a joke between us. I know we have a sick sense of humor. We are weird we like it move on. Well one monday morning in early February I figured I would take a test because it had been a while so I sleepily did my buisness and hopped in the shower while the test sat on the washer. Ignorantly going about my morning it was not until I was toweling off my hair when I almost broke my neck. The test did not say not pregnant. Not at all. There it was sitting there laughing at me saying pregnant. What the hell?!? I take my pill everyday, I see the Boy maybe once a month, I have plans, the doctors said this was not even possible with this situation. I repeat what the hell?!?!?!? What do I do now? I tried calling the Boy but silly me it was 730 in the morning, the only time he sees that hour is when he is still awake working on a project due at 9am. So I called the Ironwoman because well she is the only person I know who is awake at that hour. Following her directions I proceeded to take two more tests and both of them cruelly laughed at me.
I continued trying to contact the Boy and finally got ahold of him and quite clicheyey ( how would one write this) gave him the news. His first response you ask? How? I went straight to a doctor and you can better bet throughout the day I bought three more tests and had blood work done and of course all laughed at me.
Right about now many of you are probably sitting there thinking yippee or thats great or awww K8e will be a great mom. Then there are those of you who are already thinking of the many ways I am doomed for damnation and deserved to have my nose hairs plucked by Dante. All of you folks just shove off and live in your little bubbles. And i mean that in the nicest way possible. Those of you in the middle and curious to see how things turned out; yeah you Girl up there with the hair that makes me uber jealous (where in Europe do you find hair products less expensive than gold that do that to your hair) and that one other person still reading. Go fill up your cups but this time skip the cute little nespresso and move on to the booze. I am telling you, you want the hard stuff now. While I am thinking about it, it will probably be easier just to skip the cup and bring a bottle of your favorite memory wiper and head on back.
The next few days were a haze of hormones and tears. Not to mention that I could smell everything and I mean everything. Which is not so cool when you live in the Gastronomical capitol of the World. These people use EVERY part of the pig in their meals. So my new best friend and I became quickly acquainted as the vomiting began. The tears were because remember how I told alot of you to just screw off a few minutes ago? Yes I know you are still there even though you will remain anonymous and never comment, but I know your there. Well my life was suddenly full of meanness and horribleness from a certain parent (I wont tell you mine or his) stated that I should be made to get an abortion. To hearing that I was the most irresponsible person in the world to well I am just not going to repeat them because just trying to force myself to remember them makes me want to cry.
The worst by far in the entire situation was the Boy's reaction. It was very bad not good horrible. Most of my male friends actually offered to be violent for me. Which only made me laugh because they are either Gay, on the other side of the world or the most geeked out Brit you have ever known, and lets face it Brits are not so sure about the whole violence I mean come one their police don't even carry guns. Moving on. Just a few days later the Boy informed me that he needed time alone to think about things and would not give me any idea of how much time this meant but made it clear that there could be no contact at all. Now picture this I am a 28 year old single girl living in France with a "situation" that has just found out she is pregnant and her Boy wants no contact. Fear not complete emotional breakdown ensued. So much so that just a few days later I ended up in the hospital with a UTI. Yeah the hospitals and I we are great friends almost as close as the porcelain deity. But not quite. Fortunate or not the "no contact" rule lasted just 48 hours.
But then the shear rage fighting began. He said everything horrible in the book from he was too young to he thought maybe he could find someone prettier someday and other things that inspire the geeked out Brit(GOB) to google ninja assassin skills. And I threatened to leave him forever and never let him know this baby or me or how long my hair might get or my dietary habits. Yeah folks that hormone business is no joke. I do have to pause here to thank The Other Dad (even though she was a girl)TOD, Ironwoman, The Aussie, and St. Mambo because they exuded such support that I do not know how I would have otherwise made it through that period. There were other people who were very kind and it is OK to hate me if I forgot to mention you here. I still love you but come on I have a lot to get out here and my hands are still shaking.
Somehow through fits of rage and hatred I realized the biggest problem in this whole situation. What is it you ask? I am happy to tell you. I was still desperately and hopelessly in love with the Boy. And he was with me. But suddenly the world was all about the fact that I was not Jewish (yet). Seriously world it cannot be my fault that the entire Jewish population of France HATES me and does not want to help me or wants permission from the Consistoire. And folks they simply do not ever give permission to convert. They wouldn't before and what on earth is to make me think that they would now that I am baking a "half-jew" illegitimate child?
There was much irrationality that ensued and for the sake of the fact that you are probably either having trouble seeing the screen clearly because you are drinking wine like water or your tequila bottle is hurting your teeth because you keep missing the gaping hole in your mouth.
So I did manage at the end of March to find a family who was running a Rich Jewish event for Passover (see previous entry) and set off to work. I have to tell you people that was 5 of the best days of my life. I met a wonderful little girl from the states who taught me everything I now know about Passover and for the first time I began to really think that things were possible. I was going to find people to help me convert. Even the other girls I was working with were terribly supportive. This was until the Friday morning of Passover. Otherwise known as the Anniversary of my Fathers Death. Yeah a bad day. Well guess who ended up in the hospital? No it was not that sweet little girl. It was me I was 12 weeks pregnant and managed to come down with viral meningitis FOR THE FOURTH TIME IN MY LIFE. I am telling you people I am a medical marvel!!! I should also mention that the only people who knew I was pregnant were the girls I was sharing a hotel room. I had to tell them because well if I was not peeing I was puking.
And of course on the day I finally get out of the hospital what does France do? They have a rail strike. So I had to manage to get from some city in some area in France to Lyon and home. The highlight of that trip was the Cambodian taxi driver I had in Lyon whose parents live in Houston. The funniest thing about it all was that we spoke french while talking about Texas....a bit odd...but then again normal in my life.
Highlight of that was that the Boy arrived just two days after me in Lyon and we spent almost two glorious weeks together. Where we fought like hell and loved like hell. And through it all I realized that he was potentially more attached to this pregnancy than I was. I caught him on more than one occasion kissing patting and doing other super cheesy weird things to my belly. But what gave it away was the way he looked at my freakishly growing belly. At first I thought it was because he just could not wrap his head around how quickly it is exploding but his eyes were not really filled with fear. It was something else. Something there really isn't a word for him. And you should have seen the pride on his face when he was the only one who could find the heartbeat with the little at home Doppler thingie. I still cant find anything other than my own heartbeat. :(
The "worst" part of his visit was that I met LaMOM. I could regale you with an entire book about this three hour encounter right here but in interest of respect and kindness and the fact that you are already completely intoxicated right now I will spare you. For now. Just know that I survived and have a whole new perspective on the Boy!
So this weeks plan (and its been generally the same for a few weeks so might happen) is to get me all packed up here in Lyon and move me to Paris the end of June. Where we will be moving into a 30Square meter (300ish square foot) STUDIO apartment. I maintain that this is until we find something a little more realistic for a couple with a baby. We will also have to get Pacsed in August or September so you know I can legally stay in this country and such. And hopefully somehow things will work out and people will realize that a baby is a miracle and a good thing.
So yeah I left out lots of information about the "situation" and the potential outcome, as well as both general family reactions but I am tired and you are about to go pray to my deity. So I suppose I shall leave you for now. Perhaps I will continue more information on this but I really want to start planning on all of the exciting things and how things will be good.
So I shall leave yo for now with my new hearing aids (oh yeah another souvenir of the last few months) and craving french fries (because thats what is growing in me rather than a baby) and remind you all to drink a large glass of water and take a tylenol now. You will thank me in the morning.
Be Well,
K8e
Can you tell I am totally avoiding actually getting to any kind of point here? Cause I would NEVER do something like that. All right (seriously can you believe I am nervous about just typing something), so I am going to sit here and try and get so many things out into the real world. Because EVERYONE knows the real world exists totally in internet land.
Yeah yeah I am going. So I suppose ill just do what I do best and just get to my written diarrhea and see where it goes. I will do my best to try and focus just as much on the crapola in my life as the goodness. But lets face it, how much does it suck to only ever write about either the super good or the super bad? I usually try to write about the middle which therefore gives away the reason I SUCK AT BLOG WRITING. My life is never in the middle.
Well back in the fall I found this Graduate program in Paris that I absolutely fell in love with. It was tailor made perfect for me. So even with a "broken" leg I TGV'd it up to Paris and visited the University. Convinced that this was without a doubt the program for me I began to get all my ducks in a row to apply. In January I was finally freed from my plaster prisons and headed back to Paris for a week to study for and take the GRE. I also had the opportunity to visit and sit in on a few classes. I felt like all the pieces were falling into place. The week was filled with take-out chinese, GRE vocab, time with The Boy, and finished up with my Favorite Belgian, the BBall Lawyer, visiting and us going to see my true love and favorite author, Oscar Wilde. Those of you who have known my since the days of Mrs. Mackenzie's 12th grade English are all to aware of my complete obsession with him and The Picture of Dorian Grey. Seriously I feel like that book is the basis of EVERYTHING. All right i digress. So yeah the week was great and I became certain that my immediate future was going to involve spending two years living in Paris and finding a way to save all child soldiers in the world. That was until I took the GRE and while I literally knocked the essays out of the park I also proved for the 234th time that I cannot do elementary math and SUCK at analogies and antonyms. Its not like we all ever use those things any way. We have Google and well Google has ALL the answers to everything.
So back to Lyon I went to finish preparing my application and send it in so this school could of course accept me and my future could begin. Here is where everything got well Hiroshimad.
A bit of a back story is required here; I have had this weird health thing going on for the past few years. Weird as in doctors in both France and the United States look at my "situation" and quite literally step back, scratch their heads and say I don't know. For the past 4 years this has been happening. I have been diagnosed with everything from brain tumors to thyroid cancer to ( yes this was really said) bad energies. The consensus of most of the doctors was to sit back and continue to scratch their heads while waiting to see if anything new developed. All the while I get to walk around as a freak of nature wondering if my body will suddenly implode. In all of this my birth control was started, stopped and changed and never once did my lady visits decide to come to any kind of routine. Not that I was complaining what woman doesn't like not having to be psychotic and in pain for potentially six months at a time. Ok yeah I think I have given you enough and managed to be vague enough to move on.
So since the Boy and I are adult human beings I continued my pill and every 40 days or so would take a test just to make sure things were "fine and dandy". It even became a bit of a joke between us. I know we have a sick sense of humor. We are weird we like it move on. Well one monday morning in early February I figured I would take a test because it had been a while so I sleepily did my buisness and hopped in the shower while the test sat on the washer. Ignorantly going about my morning it was not until I was toweling off my hair when I almost broke my neck. The test did not say not pregnant. Not at all. There it was sitting there laughing at me saying pregnant. What the hell?!? I take my pill everyday, I see the Boy maybe once a month, I have plans, the doctors said this was not even possible with this situation. I repeat what the hell?!?!?!? What do I do now? I tried calling the Boy but silly me it was 730 in the morning, the only time he sees that hour is when he is still awake working on a project due at 9am. So I called the Ironwoman because well she is the only person I know who is awake at that hour. Following her directions I proceeded to take two more tests and both of them cruelly laughed at me.
I continued trying to contact the Boy and finally got ahold of him and quite clicheyey ( how would one write this) gave him the news. His first response you ask? How? I went straight to a doctor and you can better bet throughout the day I bought three more tests and had blood work done and of course all laughed at me.
Right about now many of you are probably sitting there thinking yippee or thats great or awww K8e will be a great mom. Then there are those of you who are already thinking of the many ways I am doomed for damnation and deserved to have my nose hairs plucked by Dante. All of you folks just shove off and live in your little bubbles. And i mean that in the nicest way possible. Those of you in the middle and curious to see how things turned out; yeah you Girl up there with the hair that makes me uber jealous (where in Europe do you find hair products less expensive than gold that do that to your hair) and that one other person still reading. Go fill up your cups but this time skip the cute little nespresso and move on to the booze. I am telling you, you want the hard stuff now. While I am thinking about it, it will probably be easier just to skip the cup and bring a bottle of your favorite memory wiper and head on back.
The next few days were a haze of hormones and tears. Not to mention that I could smell everything and I mean everything. Which is not so cool when you live in the Gastronomical capitol of the World. These people use EVERY part of the pig in their meals. So my new best friend and I became quickly acquainted as the vomiting began. The tears were because remember how I told alot of you to just screw off a few minutes ago? Yes I know you are still there even though you will remain anonymous and never comment, but I know your there. Well my life was suddenly full of meanness and horribleness from a certain parent (I wont tell you mine or his) stated that I should be made to get an abortion. To hearing that I was the most irresponsible person in the world to well I am just not going to repeat them because just trying to force myself to remember them makes me want to cry.
The worst by far in the entire situation was the Boy's reaction. It was very bad not good horrible. Most of my male friends actually offered to be violent for me. Which only made me laugh because they are either Gay, on the other side of the world or the most geeked out Brit you have ever known, and lets face it Brits are not so sure about the whole violence I mean come one their police don't even carry guns. Moving on. Just a few days later the Boy informed me that he needed time alone to think about things and would not give me any idea of how much time this meant but made it clear that there could be no contact at all. Now picture this I am a 28 year old single girl living in France with a "situation" that has just found out she is pregnant and her Boy wants no contact. Fear not complete emotional breakdown ensued. So much so that just a few days later I ended up in the hospital with a UTI. Yeah the hospitals and I we are great friends almost as close as the porcelain deity. But not quite. Fortunate or not the "no contact" rule lasted just 48 hours.
But then the shear rage fighting began. He said everything horrible in the book from he was too young to he thought maybe he could find someone prettier someday and other things that inspire the geeked out Brit(GOB) to google ninja assassin skills. And I threatened to leave him forever and never let him know this baby or me or how long my hair might get or my dietary habits. Yeah folks that hormone business is no joke. I do have to pause here to thank The Other Dad (even though she was a girl)TOD, Ironwoman, The Aussie, and St. Mambo because they exuded such support that I do not know how I would have otherwise made it through that period. There were other people who were very kind and it is OK to hate me if I forgot to mention you here. I still love you but come on I have a lot to get out here and my hands are still shaking.
Somehow through fits of rage and hatred I realized the biggest problem in this whole situation. What is it you ask? I am happy to tell you. I was still desperately and hopelessly in love with the Boy. And he was with me. But suddenly the world was all about the fact that I was not Jewish (yet). Seriously world it cannot be my fault that the entire Jewish population of France HATES me and does not want to help me or wants permission from the Consistoire. And folks they simply do not ever give permission to convert. They wouldn't before and what on earth is to make me think that they would now that I am baking a "half-jew" illegitimate child?
There was much irrationality that ensued and for the sake of the fact that you are probably either having trouble seeing the screen clearly because you are drinking wine like water or your tequila bottle is hurting your teeth because you keep missing the gaping hole in your mouth.
So I did manage at the end of March to find a family who was running a Rich Jewish event for Passover (see previous entry) and set off to work. I have to tell you people that was 5 of the best days of my life. I met a wonderful little girl from the states who taught me everything I now know about Passover and for the first time I began to really think that things were possible. I was going to find people to help me convert. Even the other girls I was working with were terribly supportive. This was until the Friday morning of Passover. Otherwise known as the Anniversary of my Fathers Death. Yeah a bad day. Well guess who ended up in the hospital? No it was not that sweet little girl. It was me I was 12 weeks pregnant and managed to come down with viral meningitis FOR THE FOURTH TIME IN MY LIFE. I am telling you people I am a medical marvel!!! I should also mention that the only people who knew I was pregnant were the girls I was sharing a hotel room. I had to tell them because well if I was not peeing I was puking.
And of course on the day I finally get out of the hospital what does France do? They have a rail strike. So I had to manage to get from some city in some area in France to Lyon and home. The highlight of that trip was the Cambodian taxi driver I had in Lyon whose parents live in Houston. The funniest thing about it all was that we spoke french while talking about Texas....a bit odd...but then again normal in my life.
Highlight of that was that the Boy arrived just two days after me in Lyon and we spent almost two glorious weeks together. Where we fought like hell and loved like hell. And through it all I realized that he was potentially more attached to this pregnancy than I was. I caught him on more than one occasion kissing patting and doing other super cheesy weird things to my belly. But what gave it away was the way he looked at my freakishly growing belly. At first I thought it was because he just could not wrap his head around how quickly it is exploding but his eyes were not really filled with fear. It was something else. Something there really isn't a word for him. And you should have seen the pride on his face when he was the only one who could find the heartbeat with the little at home Doppler thingie. I still cant find anything other than my own heartbeat. :(
The "worst" part of his visit was that I met LaMOM. I could regale you with an entire book about this three hour encounter right here but in interest of respect and kindness and the fact that you are already completely intoxicated right now I will spare you. For now. Just know that I survived and have a whole new perspective on the Boy!
So this weeks plan (and its been generally the same for a few weeks so might happen) is to get me all packed up here in Lyon and move me to Paris the end of June. Where we will be moving into a 30Square meter (300ish square foot) STUDIO apartment. I maintain that this is until we find something a little more realistic for a couple with a baby. We will also have to get Pacsed in August or September so you know I can legally stay in this country and such. And hopefully somehow things will work out and people will realize that a baby is a miracle and a good thing.
So yeah I left out lots of information about the "situation" and the potential outcome, as well as both general family reactions but I am tired and you are about to go pray to my deity. So I suppose I shall leave you for now. Perhaps I will continue more information on this but I really want to start planning on all of the exciting things and how things will be good.
So I shall leave yo for now with my new hearing aids (oh yeah another souvenir of the last few months) and craving french fries (because thats what is growing in me rather than a baby) and remind you all to drink a large glass of water and take a tylenol now. You will thank me in the morning.
Be Well,
K8e
26 March 2010
Big changes = Constipation
I have spent most of the past two weeks engrossed in re-watching the TV show Charmed. Unfortunately I love it just as much as I did when I would anxiously await a new episode each week. I say this because not only does it leave the average person feeling completely inadequate but also reminds me of just how lazy I have had to be lately.
I can however completely relate to what constantly feels like the ultimate battle. Whether its is a school, or Boy, or family, or just one of the millions of other things in life that can well just get in the damned way; we all have our daily ultimate battles. Mine as an "etranger" in France usually involve filling out 5472 copies of the same paperwork to the same office so that they are able to not file something very important. My roommate the GBFF and I have been dealing with just this. See in France all students are entitled to FREE MONEY to live while they go to school. How much you get I am convinced is completely representative of your dedication to fill out every piece of paper known to mankind in quadruplicate. Ironically we are on the tail end of our "struggle" and I will be receiving more than most who actually work in America. Just to go to school!!!?!?! And this country wonders why it is broke, and I wonder why they HATE to let foreigners stay on a permanent basis.
Another of my Ultimate battles is the attempt at learning more about Judaism. Other than ulcers and social acceptance of short jokes Napoleon left the people with an institution known as the Consistoire. This is well in France it is the Vatican of the Jewish people. But not as ornate and unless you are Jewish or have a parent who is THEY WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU OR HELP YOU. Even more so if you are an anglophone. I have spent the past year and a half trying to get my foot in the door and well folks I am running out of toes. I have however been bit blessed by sheer chance of where I had lunch and will be leaving on Sunday for Divonne-les-Bains where I will be working with 40+ kids at a Pesach event. I cannot begin to share my excitement at participating and experiencing my first Jewish holiday. I will be sure to let you out there in the ether know all about it. Please send all your positive thoughts.
I have much other news but am really not at liberty to say. I am however going to make it a serious goal of mine to start writing more here. Not really for all of you out there because well im pretty sure no one other than "The First Real Kiss" and that random girl who cant sleep at 430am and has read all the news and gossip sites already, reads this. Do not worry missy I have been there all to many times as well. But I want to get myself back into the habit of writing. It is one of my few K8E superpowers and I really need to get better at it.
Till we meet again. BE WELL!
05 June 2009
change is rough :(
Jeeze I am not really sure where to start with my supposedly regular updates. I do however have an excuse. Boys cpu is caput and he has all his animation projects due for school therefore he seems to have custody of my computer. Withdrawals have been heavy.
So in just a few weeks I make the big move up the hill. Wow that sounds so much cooler than it actually is :). But all this packing and canceling and arranging is a big old pain in the butteroo. Then I just need to decide when to go to the states and arrange to get the new visa. I am thinking July, any ideas?
In the interest of full disclosure I will go ahead and let those of you know who don't already. I am in the process of having some medical tests done. I have known something has been wrong for some time now. So the first round of tests all came back and well none of them were all that great so they are ordering some more extensive ones. Hopefully I and you will all know soon what is going on and that there is some magical pill or injection that will fix everything. Here is to hoping.
Things with boy are going well. He has been uber stressed and also has managed to be patient with you know crazy katie :). Of course as is everything in life there are things i wish that I could change and fix but if i had to decide for certain there isn't a chance in hell i really would. I am curious to see where this can go.
OK well I am not sure that I have anything else interesting to say so ill let you go for now :)
be well.
So in just a few weeks I make the big move up the hill. Wow that sounds so much cooler than it actually is :). But all this packing and canceling and arranging is a big old pain in the butteroo. Then I just need to decide when to go to the states and arrange to get the new visa. I am thinking July, any ideas?
In the interest of full disclosure I will go ahead and let those of you know who don't already. I am in the process of having some medical tests done. I have known something has been wrong for some time now. So the first round of tests all came back and well none of them were all that great so they are ordering some more extensive ones. Hopefully I and you will all know soon what is going on and that there is some magical pill or injection that will fix everything. Here is to hoping.
Things with boy are going well. He has been uber stressed and also has managed to be patient with you know crazy katie :). Of course as is everything in life there are things i wish that I could change and fix but if i had to decide for certain there isn't a chance in hell i really would. I am curious to see where this can go.
OK well I am not sure that I have anything else interesting to say so ill let you go for now :)
be well.
11 May 2009
alarm clock = cranky pants
What i wouldnt give these days to fall into some kind of regulated sleeping pattern. Up until almost 6am and slept until 2pm...seriously they should cast me as the overweight moody chick with great big chachas in the next hit vampire flick...sometimes i have even been known to be funny...my only request as payment...a resident card to stay in France without all the redonculous drama.
spent the day being a rather domesticated goddess...and by day of course i mean the last 3 hours i have been awake. if only i ended up in this kind of a cleaning mood when i was actually at MY HOUSE. seriously people who think i am sloppy should come here its a way better example :)
So the goal for tonight other than a shower is to master the french verbs the Plumberess has given me to learn for class Mercredi. If you ever want to feel stupid try to learn french...and if you want to feel even stupider do it the way i did by living here for more than two years. then waking up one day and going OH CRAP my french is crap. Problem is i can kinda read and pretty much understand but i cannot speak so well (unless being helped by my friend vodka tonic, then im FABULOUS) and writing well you can all see how crap my grammer is in english now imagine it in a different language...yes i will be sending all regular readers ( are there even any) gift bottles of paracetemol shortly.
So on that note I must continue on by hanging up the laundry and showering, while hoping Boy is wrong and there is not really a leak in the shower.
Homework for you folks....ideas for blognames for Boy, cause im just not diggin it. Need something with a bit more flair :)
until the next time.
be well
spent the day being a rather domesticated goddess...and by day of course i mean the last 3 hours i have been awake. if only i ended up in this kind of a cleaning mood when i was actually at MY HOUSE. seriously people who think i am sloppy should come here its a way better example :)
So the goal for tonight other than a shower is to master the french verbs the Plumberess has given me to learn for class Mercredi. If you ever want to feel stupid try to learn french...and if you want to feel even stupider do it the way i did by living here for more than two years. then waking up one day and going OH CRAP my french is crap. Problem is i can kinda read and pretty much understand but i cannot speak so well (unless being helped by my friend vodka tonic, then im FABULOUS) and writing well you can all see how crap my grammer is in english now imagine it in a different language...yes i will be sending all regular readers ( are there even any) gift bottles of paracetemol shortly.
So on that note I must continue on by hanging up the laundry and showering, while hoping Boy is wrong and there is not really a leak in the shower.
Homework for you folks....ideas for blognames for Boy, cause im just not diggin it. Need something with a bit more flair :)
until the next time.
be well
back by repeated request from boy
So as the title belies i am here not because i am feeling particularly inspired but because after almost 6 months of nagging The Boy has worn me down to start writing again. I think he secretly hopes i will rediscover a passion for it, well we both probably secretly hope so.
I do not really know where to start to update people on the happenings in my life as I am not really certain what you all know if anything. Perhaps there really isn't anyone reading this except for the random facebook friend i prolly haven't spoken to in 5+ years who reads everything everyone posts but never comments on anything.
As many of you have probably noticed I am still in France. Yes that means I have to tell Alice, Garrett, Collin and Nicole that they were right and i was wrong. Sometimes it blows me away to think i am here so long yet others i think wow i just got here. I am finally starting to buckle down on the ol Francais business. You would think that it should be easy to learn a language in the country it is spoken? Right? Nooooooooo not at all. Everyone speaks English and they luuurrvve to practice it all the time and what better experience than that American girl who has crapola french. Yeah so now I have started tutoring and in the fall i hope to be taking intensive classes so that at some point maybe ill be one of the cool kids who speaks french.
Other than that hmmm..I went on one trip at the holiday to Manchester to spend it with the family of the AsianFrenchie. It was a decent time which was made wonderful by certain realizations.
Let us all go ahead and address the elephant in the room. Because those of you whom I may not have spoken to in a while or gosh forbid years probably are still rereading the title of the entry with a bit of confusion.
Yes Internet I am actually seeing someone, and have been for long enough to call it well the longest relationship I have ever had. Well just keep calling him The Boy until I come up with something better. For those of you stateside sitting there yes he is in fact French and wait for it...he is an art student...from Paris. OK so some of you are laughing and others are sitting there saying a big fat I TOLD YOU SO!!! Mainly that is Alice sitting there saying that. I don't know how many others were that spot on on how i would end up meeting someone on this little journey.
so yeah this relationship business teaches you tons of things about even more crap.
1. this caring about someone business is hard butt work. all the damn time. There is no day off in making these things work its a constant thing.
2. the work is worth every smile, laugh, hug, kiss, experience, yeah you get the picture.
3. I am a little to honest about everything and often to early. Yet I have managed not to scare him off. yet...
OK enough of the cheesy shite about him. So as many of you might know I live in this amazing apartment in Vieux Lyon that is super old and super cool and awesomely located, minus the 5 flights of circular stairs (particularly not fun with a. my ankles and b. any alcohol consumed within the last lifetime). Well as of July 1 i will sadly no longer be residing there. Well not so sadly really. As much as I love the place its just not fiscally smart for me (lookie i am pretending to be responsible). So I will be re venturing into the world of cohabitation, with Frida and her man. While i am sure that there will be natural growing pains i think it will work out just fine. in fact i am a little bit excited about having people to socialize with in my own house :). kinda coolio.
what else is going on you say? well there are lots of potential changes in store for me but nothing that i am really comfortable sharing right now....yes k8e too has her secrets, sometimes. But I will try to keep you all updated as possible.
So my goal is to try and write here once a week given that time permits. I know I know I have said that before but well maybe this time can be a bit diffo. :)
for now its 4am here in franceland and i want to catch a few sheep before the sun scares them all away.
talk at ya soon
be well
k8e
I do not really know where to start to update people on the happenings in my life as I am not really certain what you all know if anything. Perhaps there really isn't anyone reading this except for the random facebook friend i prolly haven't spoken to in 5+ years who reads everything everyone posts but never comments on anything.
As many of you have probably noticed I am still in France. Yes that means I have to tell Alice, Garrett, Collin and Nicole that they were right and i was wrong. Sometimes it blows me away to think i am here so long yet others i think wow i just got here. I am finally starting to buckle down on the ol Francais business. You would think that it should be easy to learn a language in the country it is spoken? Right? Nooooooooo not at all. Everyone speaks English and they luuurrvve to practice it all the time and what better experience than that American girl who has crapola french. Yeah so now I have started tutoring and in the fall i hope to be taking intensive classes so that at some point maybe ill be one of the cool kids who speaks french.
Other than that hmmm..I went on one trip at the holiday to Manchester to spend it with the family of the AsianFrenchie. It was a decent time which was made wonderful by certain realizations.
Let us all go ahead and address the elephant in the room. Because those of you whom I may not have spoken to in a while or gosh forbid years probably are still rereading the title of the entry with a bit of confusion.
Yes Internet I am actually seeing someone, and have been for long enough to call it well the longest relationship I have ever had. Well just keep calling him The Boy until I come up with something better. For those of you stateside sitting there yes he is in fact French and wait for it...he is an art student...from Paris. OK so some of you are laughing and others are sitting there saying a big fat I TOLD YOU SO!!! Mainly that is Alice sitting there saying that. I don't know how many others were that spot on on how i would end up meeting someone on this little journey.
so yeah this relationship business teaches you tons of things about even more crap.
1. this caring about someone business is hard butt work. all the damn time. There is no day off in making these things work its a constant thing.
2. the work is worth every smile, laugh, hug, kiss, experience, yeah you get the picture.
3. I am a little to honest about everything and often to early. Yet I have managed not to scare him off. yet...
OK enough of the cheesy shite about him. So as many of you might know I live in this amazing apartment in Vieux Lyon that is super old and super cool and awesomely located, minus the 5 flights of circular stairs (particularly not fun with a. my ankles and b. any alcohol consumed within the last lifetime). Well as of July 1 i will sadly no longer be residing there. Well not so sadly really. As much as I love the place its just not fiscally smart for me (lookie i am pretending to be responsible). So I will be re venturing into the world of cohabitation, with Frida and her man. While i am sure that there will be natural growing pains i think it will work out just fine. in fact i am a little bit excited about having people to socialize with in my own house :). kinda coolio.
what else is going on you say? well there are lots of potential changes in store for me but nothing that i am really comfortable sharing right now....yes k8e too has her secrets, sometimes. But I will try to keep you all updated as possible.
So my goal is to try and write here once a week given that time permits. I know I know I have said that before but well maybe this time can be a bit diffo. :)
for now its 4am here in franceland and i want to catch a few sheep before the sun scares them all away.
talk at ya soon
be well
k8e
18 November 2008
So I have not taken the time to write on here for quite a while. I have to pass a bit of curiosity because there was a comment about how I used to steal lunches. I am quite curious to know who that was. But alas that is probably just one of life’s many mysteries.
A lot has happened in the last few months. Many of them good and some not so much. I went to the states for a few weeks this summer and realized just how much Europe has become my home. The thought of having to move back there someday gives me well pretty much anxiety attacks. What scares me the most is that it truly may not be possible for me to stay here. I have to find a job that is willing to help sponsor my move to France and let’s just say those are not easy to come by. So if any of you have any ideas or leads please help me out.
On top of that it brings to light my insecurities about my own skills set. I am good at many things but am I truly great at anything? Have you ever had to sit down and think of a skill that a country needs so much they want to keep you? Not so great for the confidence mojo. If only I were some fancy surgeon or great philosopher.
Nonetheless with Thanksgiving approaching it is a time for me to reflect. I have not been able to celebrate this holiday which happens to be my favorite in several years and it is still weird without it. I am however able to think about all the wonderful things that I have found in my life.
I have made a handful of friends, most of them by accident, that I am truly uncertain what I did to deserve these people in my life. I have had lovers whom have taught me things I never knew about myself and what I look for in people. I learned through one that it can be important to invest your feelings and while things may have not worked out at least I know that my heart is not completely frozen solid and someday when the time and the man are right things will be good. This was a very important lesson for me after well after having my heart broken once and my body another time. Do not worry I do not want your pity. We have all been through these things in some regard so really my life is no different from yours.
This year I learned that while I may not be the average bear there is something about me that people are drawn to, now if that is a good thing or not I will leave that for you to decide. I can make people laugh and like Isaac said all those years ago my biggest challenge in life is that when I really want to I can actually see people for who they really are. Maybe that is my big skill, not terrible marketable though. But I have learned through my time in France to use it and to embrace it as my own. Be certain it bothers many people but at the same time those who respect it are the ones I want to be involved with in the first place. I can not help sometimes wishing just like Frederick Douglas all those years ago that I simply did not know.
Another thing that I have learned is that history may not be for me. Do not get me wrong I love it. But it just does not make my blood boil and I want that in life. I did believe that by now (just a week before I turn 27) I would have already figured out what that is. Do you think that maybe it is because I have always searched it out? Maybe if I stop looking it will find me? I have great opportunities that come along every once in a while but the decision to stick with them is difficult. I am not a very good finisher.
I have also learned that sometimes the worst mistakes that a person can make (asides from breaking the law) are often the best. I have made some less than ideal choices lately and well I cannot say that I would change a single one of them. I met a kind man who taught me much and men not so kind who taught me even more. I could tell you some stories that would make your head spin or piss your pants laughing but this is not really the place for that.
Mostly though it is the friends in my life who have changed me so much. As a teenager I knew exactly who I was and because of a heartbreak that took me many years to get over I completely lost sight of that. My friends today wherever in the world they may be have brought me back to that girl who dances in the waterfalls with children and has absolutely no verbal filter whatsoever. They have taught me to be the honest person I once was. And for that I truly owe them my being. They do not really make a greeting card that says all that. But really for those of you that read this please take a few minutes to think about the people who have changed your life for the better whether it be the homeless man who says hello on the bridge every morning, the person whose name you don’t know who always raises his pint with a nod to you, or the friend who knows what you need before even you do and without ever saying or expecting anything is your strength when even they may not believe they have it for themselves.
I want to challenge you to find a way in your own manner to show them that they matter. Buy them a pint drop them a card or simply look them in the eyes and say thank you. This is my thanksgiving and birthday wish this year. For you to realize just how many wonderful people there are in your life. They may need to hear it.
I will go ahead and post this on my blog and my facebook so if it rs feeds twice I’m sorry about that.
To my sagi crew from the last 18 months thank you for everything the drunken nights, the tears, the travels and all the smiles.
To my friends still in the states. Thank you for not going away and always truly being just a phone call away.
To my family I know that the hardest thing you ever had to do was let me go. It was hard for me as well and thank you because I finally know how to breathe.
To Mary thank you for your helping transitioning to a really life here. I will always be grateful to you.
To Marion thank you well there are not words you are not a friend you are my family and without you I would often be lost.
To Erie Alice and Annemarie thanks you for the laughs the looks of shock and the excitement that you may someday be a character in my sure to be unsuccessful book.
To the Johnny Kitchen/Walsh friends thank you for the raised pints and nods and no longer arguing about that extra 50centimes.
To all my Pint/Cofee/Tea buddies the gossip just wouldn’t be the same without you J
To L and J I perhaps owe the most thanks to the two of you because you while neither of you may know it somehow managed to dig out the ice and find not only my heart but pieces of my soul. I wish you the best in the paths that you chose and while I know ours may not cross know you left your mark on mine.
To N,V,M,M, E,B,D,S,R you each have something special to offer. Fight to find that person and make them the happiest ever and if you maybe already have show them.
To those I cannot mention you all know who you are. Just a simple thank you in this time and place.
How many people are there for you to thank? Prolly quite a few more than you thought. And there simply aren’t enough words but try.
A lot has happened in the last few months. Many of them good and some not so much. I went to the states for a few weeks this summer and realized just how much Europe has become my home. The thought of having to move back there someday gives me well pretty much anxiety attacks. What scares me the most is that it truly may not be possible for me to stay here. I have to find a job that is willing to help sponsor my move to France and let’s just say those are not easy to come by. So if any of you have any ideas or leads please help me out.
On top of that it brings to light my insecurities about my own skills set. I am good at many things but am I truly great at anything? Have you ever had to sit down and think of a skill that a country needs so much they want to keep you? Not so great for the confidence mojo. If only I were some fancy surgeon or great philosopher.
Nonetheless with Thanksgiving approaching it is a time for me to reflect. I have not been able to celebrate this holiday which happens to be my favorite in several years and it is still weird without it. I am however able to think about all the wonderful things that I have found in my life.
I have made a handful of friends, most of them by accident, that I am truly uncertain what I did to deserve these people in my life. I have had lovers whom have taught me things I never knew about myself and what I look for in people. I learned through one that it can be important to invest your feelings and while things may have not worked out at least I know that my heart is not completely frozen solid and someday when the time and the man are right things will be good. This was a very important lesson for me after well after having my heart broken once and my body another time. Do not worry I do not want your pity. We have all been through these things in some regard so really my life is no different from yours.
This year I learned that while I may not be the average bear there is something about me that people are drawn to, now if that is a good thing or not I will leave that for you to decide. I can make people laugh and like Isaac said all those years ago my biggest challenge in life is that when I really want to I can actually see people for who they really are. Maybe that is my big skill, not terrible marketable though. But I have learned through my time in France to use it and to embrace it as my own. Be certain it bothers many people but at the same time those who respect it are the ones I want to be involved with in the first place. I can not help sometimes wishing just like Frederick Douglas all those years ago that I simply did not know.
Another thing that I have learned is that history may not be for me. Do not get me wrong I love it. But it just does not make my blood boil and I want that in life. I did believe that by now (just a week before I turn 27) I would have already figured out what that is. Do you think that maybe it is because I have always searched it out? Maybe if I stop looking it will find me? I have great opportunities that come along every once in a while but the decision to stick with them is difficult. I am not a very good finisher.
I have also learned that sometimes the worst mistakes that a person can make (asides from breaking the law) are often the best. I have made some less than ideal choices lately and well I cannot say that I would change a single one of them. I met a kind man who taught me much and men not so kind who taught me even more. I could tell you some stories that would make your head spin or piss your pants laughing but this is not really the place for that.
Mostly though it is the friends in my life who have changed me so much. As a teenager I knew exactly who I was and because of a heartbreak that took me many years to get over I completely lost sight of that. My friends today wherever in the world they may be have brought me back to that girl who dances in the waterfalls with children and has absolutely no verbal filter whatsoever. They have taught me to be the honest person I once was. And for that I truly owe them my being. They do not really make a greeting card that says all that. But really for those of you that read this please take a few minutes to think about the people who have changed your life for the better whether it be the homeless man who says hello on the bridge every morning, the person whose name you don’t know who always raises his pint with a nod to you, or the friend who knows what you need before even you do and without ever saying or expecting anything is your strength when even they may not believe they have it for themselves.
I want to challenge you to find a way in your own manner to show them that they matter. Buy them a pint drop them a card or simply look them in the eyes and say thank you. This is my thanksgiving and birthday wish this year. For you to realize just how many wonderful people there are in your life. They may need to hear it.
I will go ahead and post this on my blog and my facebook so if it rs feeds twice I’m sorry about that.
To my sagi crew from the last 18 months thank you for everything the drunken nights, the tears, the travels and all the smiles.
To my friends still in the states. Thank you for not going away and always truly being just a phone call away.
To my family I know that the hardest thing you ever had to do was let me go. It was hard for me as well and thank you because I finally know how to breathe.
To Mary thank you for your helping transitioning to a really life here. I will always be grateful to you.
To Marion thank you well there are not words you are not a friend you are my family and without you I would often be lost.
To Erie Alice and Annemarie thanks you for the laughs the looks of shock and the excitement that you may someday be a character in my sure to be unsuccessful book.
To the Johnny Kitchen/Walsh friends thank you for the raised pints and nods and no longer arguing about that extra 50centimes.
To all my Pint/Cofee/Tea buddies the gossip just wouldn’t be the same without you J
To L and J I perhaps owe the most thanks to the two of you because you while neither of you may know it somehow managed to dig out the ice and find not only my heart but pieces of my soul. I wish you the best in the paths that you chose and while I know ours may not cross know you left your mark on mine.
To N,V,M,M, E,B,D,S,R you each have something special to offer. Fight to find that person and make them the happiest ever and if you maybe already have show them.
To those I cannot mention you all know who you are. Just a simple thank you in this time and place.
How many people are there for you to thank? Prolly quite a few more than you thought. And there simply aren’t enough words but try.
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